Learning From 'Kick-Ass'

“Hey… How come nobody’s ever tried to be a superhero?”

Such is the inquiry which lies at the heart of one of the strangest, most irreverent, and blissfully entertaining comic-book films of the decade.

Directed by British director Matthew Vaughn (‘Layer Cake’), and featuring performances by Nicholas Cage (‘National Treasure’, ‘Con Air’) and Chloe Grace Moretz (of the upcoming ‘Let Me In’), the 2009 superhero action/comedy ‘Kick-Ass’ is full to the brim with profanity, violence, and a fair measure of sexual innuendo, each applying at one point or another to shockingly underage characters. As a result, the film experienced a less-than-spectacular opening weekend, earning about $20 million at the box office. Though it narrowly overtook the Dreamworks animated film ‘How To Train Your Dragon’ for that weekend, ticket sales dropped rapidly in the following two weeks of its release, ultimately earning about $48 million domestically.

That said, the movie is likely on track to achieving well-deserved status as a true cult classic.

Based on Mark Millar’s graphic novel of the same name, ‘Kick-Ass’ tells the story of an average nerd, Dave Lizewski, living in an average New York suburb doing average stuff while hanging out with his average friends, all the while pining after the not-so-average girl of his dreams.

Needless to say, viewers expect this barrage of mediocre high-school drama to give way to something weird or extraordinary sooner or later- an expectation that is satisfied when, one day, after being robbed by a pair of alley-dwelling delinquents for the umpteenth time, Dave decides that enough is enough. Purchasing a perfectly ordinary, if not somewhat gaudy, green diver’s wetsuit, equipping himself with two fighting batons, and slipping on a pair of good old-fashioned Timberland boots for good measure, he assumes the identity of a masked vigilante, taking the titular name, “Kick-Ass.”

His initial exploits, however, are less than heroic. Without spoiling anything, Dave quickly gets in way over his head, and is literally on the verge of being castrated by a group of drug dealers when his salvation comes crashing down in the form of… an eleven-year-old girl.

No, the word “girl” doesn’t quite fit… More like a WMD wearing a skirt.

It is at this point that the film begins its gradual transition from outright slapstick to much darker comedy. Utilizing an array of edged weapons to deadly effect, the masked heroine “Hit Girl” (Moretz) quite literally decimates every foe that comes her way, leaving them broken, bloody, and invariably dead- except for the near-survivor sniped in the cranium by her father, the Batman-like “Big Daddy” (Cage, imitating Adam West’s Batman to hysterical effect). It is in light of this over-the-top, father/daughter version of Batman and Robin that the most morally valuable lessons from the film become clear.

If Big Daddy and Hit Girl have a motto, it’s this: Stand up against evil- as an individual, as a team, as a family- and don’t give an inch.

The city in which the main characters find themselves is one lacking any kind of moral center. As was Dave’s experience early in the film, muggings occur on a daily basis, and the citizens make no serious attempt to put a stop to such injustice. The people have lapsed into a state of complacency, leaving even the most petty crooks to do as they please. On top of this, the police themselves have been bought out by Frank D’Amico, the city’s leading drug kingpin, who also has an important role in Big Daddy and Hit Girl’s history.

So how do Kick-Ass and his fellow masked avengers respond in light of this seemingly insurmountable task? They strike, and strike hard.

Hit Girl, as many have already noted, is the film’s only true home run. While critics like Roger Ebert heavily criticized the use of a child actor in such a violent role, the fact is that Chloe Moretz’s brutal character is far and away a morally superior alternative to the inappropriately sexualized, self-concerned teen idols of Disney Channel fame.

To quote Big Hollywood’s John Nolte, Hit Girl is “heroic, selfless, completely self-reliant, and lives by a simple code that says evil loses. No angst, no handwringing, and no moral equivalency.”

Sounds like the ideal female role model to me!

Sure, this is an absolutely unacceptable film for those not mature enough for the ‘Restricted’ rating. But while nowadays such a rating usually indicates the level of a film’s moral decrepitude, the big bold "R" on the back of the 'Kick-Ass' DVD case is like a badge of honor.

After all, what fun is watching superheroes clobber criminals if the result isn’t the untimely amputation of a prosthetic limb or two? Or three, or four, or fifty…

Return of the Badasses (Pardon my French)

It’s Monday, August 09, 2010, and we’re counting down to ‘The Expendables’, starring every action hero you can imagine- well, besides Chuck Norris, Steven Seagal, and Van Damme. But seriously, everybody else is in it. From Sly Stallone to the high-kicking Jet Li, and even some cage fighter I’ve never even heard of, the newest film honoring the great American tradition of the action movie promises to provide a last-minute *BANG* to cap off what has been, for lack of a better word, a very DULL summer at the movies. Sure, it started strong with Iron Man 2, and audiences were privileged to enjoy the latest Chris Nolan mind-bender in ‘Inception,’ but those films were more like brief oases in a barren desert filled with… well, nothing anybody really wanted to see.

It is with this background in mind that audiences will more than likely flock to ‘The Expendables’ this weekend. And so, to mark this glorious occasion, it’s time to reflect once again on some of the movie badasses you might have missed in the last few years.

In my original post, we discussed a number of notable kickers of arse, whose stomping grounds range from the streets of Hong Kong to the dystopic, totalitarian future of the Twilight Zone. For your viewing pleasure, here is a link to the original selections in the category of “The (Other) Movie Badasses.”

And now, here are just a few more contenders who you won’t be seeing this Friday, but whose exploits you’ll want to catch up on at the first opportunity:

1. Hit Girl (‘Kick-Ass’)

“I never play.”

She can't see through walls, but she can kick your ass.

When Detective Damon Macready was framed as a drug dealer by cocaine kingpin Frank D’Amico, it wasn’t just his career that he lost. Unable to cope with life without him, his wife overdosed on sleeping pills shortly before going into labor, passing away just as their daughter, Mindy, entered a world wholly unprepared for her arrival.

Trained by her father following his release from prison, Mindy soon became proficient in the martial arts, as well as an accomplished weapons expert. Her birthday present at age eleven: A pair of razor-sharp butterfly knives, which she uses to great effect.

Donning a purple wig and a disguise equipped for mortal combat, Mindy became Hit Girl, a pint-sized weapon of mass destruction with one goal in mind: Wipe Frank D'Amico and his drug trade off the face of the Earth, by any means necessary. By the time she's finished, her foes will be begging for mercy... and shortly thereafter, more likely than not, they'll be dead. This movie received an R-rating for a good reason (actually, lots of good reasons), so for goodness' sake, VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

2. Eli (‘The Book of Eli’)

“We walk by faith, not by sight.”

It’s difficult to address this particular badass without giving away far too much of the plot, but suffice it to say that, when the dust clears after the imminent nuclear holocaust, Eli is civilization’s last hope. Charged with the sacred duty to protect a mysterious book, and guided by a power beyond the scope of his comprehension, Eli marches across the lifeless desert that was once the United States in order to deposit the seed of a world now lost. (Cryptic, ain’t it?)

Wielding his trusty machete, along with a few working artifacts from the days of the Second Amendment, Eli will let nothing stand in his path, even the vicious warlord Carnegie, played by the ever-terrific Gary Oldman.

Eli's capacity for survival ought not come as a surprise. Honestly, could anyone walk through the wilderness for thirty years straight and NOT end up a badass?

3. Walt Kowalski (‘Gran Torino’)

“Get off my lawn.”

War is hell- but he probably liked the heat.

Having spent his youth overseas in the service of his country, Walt Kowalski has lived what ought to have been the ideal life. He survived the war, found a stable job, married the woman he loved, and had sons who grew up to be successful.

But all is not well in Eastwoodville. Living in a run-down Detroit neighborhood, Walt has just lost his elderly bride. His sons are badgering him to check into a nursing home. His grandkids are a bunch of spoiled brats. And to top it all off, he isn’t all too happy about the Hmong immigrants who just moved in next door.

One night, Walt overhears a ruckus in his garage. Grabbing his rifle and bursting through the door with his sights trained, he meets Thao, a young man being recruited by the local gang. His initiation: Steal Walt’s Gran Torino. Logically, the first thing Walt feels for the would-be thief is animosity. Seeking to restore the family’s honor, Thao’s mother brings him back to work for Walt, who reluctantly accepts this gesture.

At first the situation is awkward for them both, and Walt is none too eager to offer forgiveness. But try as he might to reject the boy, and despite his deep-set racist attitudes, Walt may ultimately have one thing to teach Thao that his own sons never quite learned: What it means to be a man.

Most badass man on the planet? You decide.

Allen West: The Left's Nightmare Made Real

It was a dark and stormy night. President Obama had finally fallen asleep after another long, difficult day at the golf cour- er, Oval Office. As he lay asleep, he began to toss and turn violently, a cold sweat forming on his brow. As he began to scream in terror, Michelle shook him awake, whispering “What’s the matter?” Gasping for breath, he answered, “A nightmare. Good heavens, a terrible nightmare.” “Was it Al Quaeda?” she asked. He shook his head. “An Iranian nuclear attack?” He shook his head again. Frowning, she asked “Don’t tell me it was global warming again.” “No, Michelle,” he said, curling into a fetal position, “No, it’s much worse than that. It was… Florida 22.”

You may not have heard his name yet, but if the American people- more particularly the citizens casting their votes in Florida’s 22nd congressional district- have even an ounce of sense, then the political career of Lieutenant Colonel (retired) Allen West is about to take off like a rocket, red glare and all. His slogan, “Go West,” and his charismatic presentation are earning him fans around the country, with one of his speeches on Youtube, given in Ft. Lauderdale around October of 2009, receiving over 2 million hits since it went online.

Take a look, look-takers.

As many commentators have already noted, Col. West is one of 32 African Americans running for Congress this year as members of the GOP. Despite the left’s constant stream of racially-charged accusations leveled at conservatives in general and Tea Party members in particular (I’m looking at you, NAACP), Col. West has defended his supporters- and his own involvement- in the Tea Party, and strongly criticized the left’s stranglehold on the African American vote at every turn, referring to it as a “twenty-first century plantation.” Speaking about his plans for Congress, he made no attempt to disguise his feelings towards the current Democratic leadership of the Senate, vowing to march up to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and demand that she “Give me that damn gavel.”

Strong words, to be sure. But unlike the average congressional hopeful, Col. West has more than talking points to back him up. Following recent criticism of his conduct during an interrogation in Iraq, Col. West did exactly what politicians never seem to do: He told the truth. No spin. No apologies. As to the charges, Col. West was fined and given a written reprimand for… saving lives.

As he states clearly in the video, he managed to convince a detainee to give up valuable information, preventing the continuation of a series of deadly attacks on his troops in the region to which they were assigned. How did he accomplish this? He broke the rules of conduct, taking the prisoner outside and firing a shot over his head. And then the prisoner talked! Afterwards, he went straight to his superiors and, with full knowledge of the potential consequences, informed them of his actions.

Can you say awesome?!

Col. West is not a good candidate for office. He is the IDEAL candidate. While other politicians have spent their careers “community-organizing” while shouting “BUSH DID IT!”, Col. West has been commanding men and women in combat, a true patriot who is quick to remind anyone who will listen that the United States, far from being just one more on a long list of nation-states, is truly special, and that freedom must be cherished and protected above all else.

This is what real change looks like.

What more is there to say? GO WEST.