The (Other) Movie Badasses

Thanks to upcoming films like Iron Man 2, Predators, and especially The Expendables- which features the majority of all red-blooded non-super heroes to ever grace the screen with their badassery- summer 2010 is likely to mark a very good season for men of action everywhere.
But since this thrilling display of fiery explosions, skewered terrorists, and butchered criminals is likely to bring us automatically back to the epic tales of John McClane, the Terminator, and Rambo, it seems only fitting that we also take a moment and reflect on those less-remembered quintessential badasses who, while they may not sport a pair of sunglasses or a chopped Harley, ought to be appreciated for the special brand of awesome they bring to movie-lovers everywhere.


Tequila (Hard-Boiled)

“If all cops were as selfish as you, Hong Kong would be dead.”



Sure, John McClane fended off a team of highly-trained terrorists and mercenaries, nearly demolishing Nakatomi Tower in the process. But could he do it while cradling a baby in his arms? Played by the Hong Kong superstar Chow Yun-Fat, Tequila is one seriously hard-core cop, and in the crime-stricken city of Hong Kong, that means he’ll be racking up quite a body count. Collateral damage is not out of the question, so if you see him walking down the sidewalk with a toothpick in his mouth and a gun in his holster, cross the street while you still can.
Of course, if you fancy jazz music, stop by the local bar and he'll happily play you a tune on his clarinet.


Spoon (Dog Soldiers)

“Little pigs, little pigs, we’ve come to nick ya video…”

The Governator gets lots of credit for facing down the Predator, and for good reason. After all, getting into a fist-fight with an eight-foot extraterrestrial in the middle of a war-torn Central American jungle is no walk in the park. But Private “Spoon” Witherspoon of the British Army not only faces down a pack of ravenous werewolves in the middle of the Scottish Highlands on the night of the full moon, but even engages in a bloody one-on-one brawl with a hungry lycanthrope using only common kitchen appliances- once he’s out of ammo, that is.

Let’s just be thankful that British soldiers weren’t this badass during the Revolutionary War.

The Man (The Naked Prey)

When a skilled hunter sets out into the African wilderness intent on gathering a few more trophies for the wall, a member of his hunting party forgets rule number one on the savannah: NEVER piss off the natives. After butchering his friends, the African warriors, sensing his extreme badassery, decide it would be more sporting to set him loose and then hunt him down. Two words: Big mistake. The Man- played by Cornel Wilde- is a must-have on the list, because he evades and kills his pursuers while simultaneously fighting for survival underneath the blazing African sun.

And he does all this without so much as a pair of pants.

Max Rockatansky (Mad Max)

“I’m just here for the gasoline.”

When asked to imagine the most brutal, dystopic setting on God’s green earth, Australia probably isn’t the first place that pops into your head. But in the future world of Max Rockatansky, better known as the Road Warrior, the continent that brought us Steve Irwin now wreaks of death and misery in the form of highway gangs that pillage, plunder, and burn all that they find. Without a law enforcement system, the people logically turn to the most badass Aussie around: Max, played by a youthful Mel Gibson.

Utilizing his sawed-off shotgun in emergencies, Max usually relies on his customized 1973 Ford Falcon to run aggressors into the pavement at top speed. Maybe not the best method for someone looking to conserve fuel in a wasteland, but it’s far too badass to complain about.


Spike Spiegel (Cowboy Bebop)

“Just a humble bounty hunter, ma’am.”

If you took Clint Eastwood’s gun-slinging and combined it with Bruce Lee’s martial arts, who would you get? Spike Spiegel, that’s who. A former enforcer for the Martian crime syndicates of the distant future, Spike eventually abandoned this dark chapter of his life and took to the streets as a butt-kicking bounty hunter. Cultivating the outward appearance of a youthful slacker, he routinely catches his bounties off-guard, usually turning them in with a few cracked ribs, if they’re even that lucky.

If you’re ever on Mars and find yourself with a price on your head, do yourself a favor and buy some Martian health insurance. You’re gonna need it.


Connor MacLeod (Highlander)

“I've been alive for four and a half centuries, and I cannot die.”

After receiving what should have been a mortal wound during a clan war in the highlands of Scotland, Connor MacLeod awoke from death to find himself revitalized by the mysterious power of the Quickening. Taught by fellow immortal Ramirez, played by the ever-awesome Sean Connery, MacLeod soon learns he is destined to wage war against the evil Kurgan in a contest for ultimate power known as the Gathering. It’s plenty tough to face an onslaught of immortal enemies seeking your decapitation.

But to do it for more than four hundred years? Now that’s badass.


Juno Caplan (The Descent)

“It’s the dark. It plays tricks on people.”

Not to be confused with the pregnant teen played by Ellen Page, Juno Caplan (Natalie Mendoza) is athleticism incarnate, a daredevil gal who makes it a point to travel the world to stare death in the face. Not one to take (necessary?) precautions, the outdoors adventuress and senator’s daughter makes the single greatest mistake of her life when she leads a group of her friends on an expedition into an uncharted cave system deep in the Appalachian Mountains. When the inevitable happens and a cave-in traps the group underground, Juno and her gal pals are forced to do battle with a tribe of subterranean humanoids hell-bent on making fast food out of the explorers.

If you want to know her fate, you’ll just have to watch the film yourself. But you can bet that more than a few of the beastly “crawlers” will have regretted ever crossing paths with this pickaxe-wielding diva by the time the climax rolls around.


Romney Wordsworth (The Twilight Zone: The Obsolete Man)

“I am nothing more than a reminder to you that you cannot destroy truth by burning pages!”

Resident of a future world controlled by the iron fist of the state, humble librarian Romney Wordsworth (Burgess Meredith) lives in peace until the day he is arrested for preserving his library. When confronted with the prospect of imminent execution should he refuse to burn his precious literature, Wordsworth not only defies his oppressors, but even goes so far as to publicly decry the heavy-handed government, making an urgent appeal for human freedom. Lacking weapons, fighting skills, or physical prowess of any kind, Mr. Wordsworth goes against a murderous regime knowing full well that his life will then hang in the balance, redefining badassery itself in the process.

If you haven’t seen this classic Twilight Zone episode, you’re missing out.

John Adams (John Adams)

“I avow to your majesty that I have no attachment to any country but my own.”

Here’s one for the history books- literally, of course. He never actually got his own movie, but then again, the life and character of the second President of the United States could probably never be sufficiently explored in anything shorter than a miniseries anyway. Played by Paul Giamatti in one of his most memorable performances, Adams begins as an attorney in Boston, in the British colony of Massachusetts. As the spirit of revolution begins to burn ever more brightly in the hearts of the citizenry, Adams quickly finds himself drawn into a war that will change the world and usher into existence a nation founded on the philosophy of liberty and self-government.

With the signing of the Declaration of Independence, Adams knew he was making himself an enemy of the most powerful empire on earth, later sacrificing whole decades of his life to the cause of the new republic. If we could write one chapter in the history books, we would title it “John Adams: Badass Among Badasses.”