Get Your Progressive Hands OFF My X-Men!

Dear Bryan Singer:

Thank you for possibly ruining the X-Men forever.

Since the not-so-recent adaptation of the X-Men comics by director Bryan Singer, better known, perhaps, for giving us ‘Superman Returns’- aka ‘Superman: The Chick Flick’- everyone’s favorite mutants have been caught in something of a cinematic purgatory from which there seems to be no escape. Hugh Jackman’s wonderful performance as Wolverine notwithstanding, the X-Men films thus far, while costly and at least somewhat well-directed, have become something of a pariah amongst comic fans. There are plenty of culprits at which we can point fingers and blame for this progression of disappointments, but there is one aspect I’d like to address that has particular relevance to us and to our nation in general.

Of late, it has become increasingly popular to view the X-Men through a narrow-minded lens of “social justice.” From this perspective, the adventures of Xavier’s mutants are symbols of progress in the fight against racism, homophobia, xenophobia… you name it. The fictitious politicians advocating programs like “mutant registration” express their logic in terms of national security interests- a realistic enough argument- but also campaign on platforms of exposing mutants simply because “they are different” or, as in the case of the comics’ Reverend William Stryker, because they represent the work of Satan on Earth. Angry mobs that gather to express their discontent with mutants frequently shout semi-racist slogans like “No more muties!” or “Send mutants to the moon!”

And in ‘X2: X-Men United’, in one of the most logically backwards scenes out of ANY recent superhero films, Bobby Drake/ Ice Man “comes out” as a mutant in a sequence of boring melodrama more befitting of the Lifetime Channel than a serious superhero flick, during which his parents ask him “Have you ever tried not being a mutant?”, a clear jab by the filmmakers at advocates of gay therapy programs, and a poorly-conceived one at that.

It was only one step up from the scene in Richard Donner’s otherwise entertaining film ‘Assassins’ in which two armed men in a gunfight pass by a bus with an anti-NRA banner.

A more entertaining and, arguably, more intellectually sound reading of the X-Men is this:

1. The X-Men stand for equal rights (as opposed to equal THINGS) under the law

2. Socialism’s leveling of the playing field is MORALLY WRONG

3. A person should expect to have the integrity of their body and their privacy both respected.

That’s it in a nutshell, anyway. The X-Men, if you follow their story’s implications to their logical conclusions, represent a reasonably conservative, pro-American message of individual liberty.

The mutants have a right to their powers not as their race or sexual preference, but as their God-given TALENTS. Neither the government nor the majority of voters in a constitutional republic like the United States possess the capacity to strip a human being of that talent without also trespassing on the sacred boundary of a person’s mind and body.

The government has no right to arbitrarily seize mutants and use them for a particular end against their will, as is the case with the notorious Weapon X program. Additionally, neither do other mutants have the right to force one another into indentured servitude, as is often the methodology of the Mutant terrorist Magneto (who may also be taken as a mutant version of Osama Bin Laden, but that’s a conversation for another day).

The fictitious crowds who gather to protest mutants do not fit the character of racists or homophobes, because they’re not protesting people whose skin color offends them or whose sexuality they find revolting. Race, for example, is a superficial difference- it is literally only skin-deep and does not affect a man's character unless he allows it to.

TALENT, on the other hand, is very tangible. The anti-mutant activists attack mutants so relentlessly because they see their power as an unfair advantage in a competitive society. Since they do not share the mutants’ capacity for super powers, they would like to see the government level the playing field for them. Yes, the anti-mutant crowds actually bear similarity to the socialist disciples of Saul Alinsky, forever incapable of accepting that talented and hardworking men and women possess the right to benefit from the fruits of their individual gifts.

All of these are intriguing arguments by my measure, but the truth becomes most clear when reflecting on just what X-Men fans actually talk about when watching the movies or reading the comics. The single most common discussion- and it never gets old- revolves around a single question: “Whose power would you want?” The conversation that follows is usually something along these lines:

“I’d want Magneto’s power. There’s just so many things you can do with the power to control metal.” “I’d rather have Wolverine’s than Sabretooth’s, but I’d take either one. I want to heal fast and have animal senses.” “What about Beast? He’s pretty tough, and he has great acrobatic abilities.” “No, definitely Shadowcat. Can you imagine walking through walls!”

Now ask yourself this: Would an X-fan EVER watch X-Men and then proceed to ask his friends “Dudes, would you rather be black and oppressed or gay and oppressed?”

… My point exactly.

Please, Hollywood, STOP politicizing our favorite characters and let’s just get back to the good stuff.